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On Hiatus

12/7/2015

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Unfortunately, due to a combination of exams, yoga training, travel, and various applications, this section of The More Jew Know is going on Hiatus. It is expected back in mid or late January with two parshiot per week (one new, one to catch up).
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Vayeitzei

11/20/2015

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Goooooooood evening everyone and welcome to this week’s Better Know a Parsha!

This week we’ll be visiting Vayeitzei and we’ll meet the fightin’ Sister Wives! Literally!

For those who don’t remember, we pick up this week as Jacob has fled from his brother Esau who wants to kill him for stealing his blessing from Isaac.
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On his way to Padan Aram, where his Uncle Laban lives, Jacob stops to have a bit of a snooze.
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While he’s sleeping, Jacob has one heck of a dream. He sees a ladder reaching all the way up to heaven with angels climbing and descending between him and the land upstairs.
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Alternatively, might have seen this
Then God appears and repeats a bunch of the promises he made to Abraham and Isaac.
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He told Jacob he would inherit the land he was sleeping on, that his offspring would be numerous and that he will not forsake him.
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Jacob wakes up and is like
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He blesses the spot and pours oil on a rock so he can make sure he remembers where it is when he comes back through.

Side note: the oil on the rock thing really works. We did it in 5th grade when we learned about this Parsha, shoutout to Morah Leeora and the HDS crew!!
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Not to be confused with pouring oil on The Rock.
Jacob arrives and sees Laban’s daughter Rachel and… well…
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So he promises Laban he’ll work for him for seven years to earn his daughter’s hand. Laban agrees and Jacob goes to work.
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After the seven years go by Jacob is all “let’s get this thing on,” so Laban arranges a big wedding fest.
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These people loved their feasts. I’m running out of feast gifs.
However, he switches his daughters, and gives Jacob the older—but less desirable—Leah instead!
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Greatest switch prank ever???
This is why we now have a ceremony as part of the Jewish wedding ceremony where the groom lifts the veil to make sure his bride is the right one before the ceremony starts.
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Gotta check
So Jacob offers to work for seven more years to marry Rachel as well. Laban agrees and Jacob marries the younger sister a week later instead of waiting seven years.
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Jacob livin' that two wife life
Leah gave birth to four children but Rachel was baby-less.
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To make matters worse, both women also gave their hand maidens to Jacob as concubines and they each popped out two kids but Rachel still had nothin’ goin’ on down there.
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One day, Leah’s oldest son Reuben (like the sandwich) was picking flowers in the field. Rachel liked them and asked if she could have them. Leah told her she would exchange the flowers for “sleeping with Jacob” privileges.
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Rachel agrees, and Leah promptly has two more sons and a daughter (we’ll hear more about her down the line).
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And then finally Rachel has a son! You might have heard of him!
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I will be using this gif again.
At this point Jacob wants to leave but Laban tells him to name any wages he wants and he’ll pay it.
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Jacob asks that he be allowed to keep all the striped sheep he raises. Laban agrees.
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Get it? They’re the White Stripes…
Here’s where things get a little weird. Jacob strips the bark off some sticks so they’re striped and puts them in front of the sheep while their mating. All of the sheep and goats that are born are then striped.
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This striped goat is kind of a dick
So Jacob becomes real rich and dips out while Laban is off on a trip. For some reason, Rachel also takes one of Laban’s idols with her.
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Laban gets mad and chases after them. God comes to him in a dream and warns him not to hurt Jacob or his family.
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I will be using this gif again.
So when they finally meet up Laban’s all “I’m just so mad I didn’t get to wish you goodbye!” 
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​Jacob and Laban make nice and build a big stone monument to commemorate how great they both are.
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​Jacob and his family head back to Canaan where we’ll catch up with them next week on As the Torah Turns.

Shabbat Shalom!

Ben
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Toldot

11/13/2015

 
Shalom y’all and welcome to this week’s edition of Better Know a Parsha!

First of all, would like to apologies for the tardiness of this week’s episode. Last week was crazy hectic at work (Wrote a large two-part story on mental health funding in Southeast Michigan if you’d like to check it out) and then weekend travel to visit my sister prevented me from finishing up. Anyway, on to the Parsha!

This week we’re reading Toldot: The fightin’ story of brotherly “love”!

Shoutout to Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, which happens to be my roommate’s hometown and tends to show about as much brotherly love as our main characters in this parsha.
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But I digress. This week is another action-packed affair, so let’s get going.
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The parsha opens with Rebecca having trouble conceiving (never heard that one before, right?) but she and Isaac pray really hard.
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And lo and behold, after 20 years she becomes pregnant.
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But Rebecca’s pregnancy was no joy ride (not that I’m implying any pregnancy is a joy ride, but her’s was especially rough).
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There’s no real connection here, but this was too funny not to use.
God tells Rebecca that the reason she’s in so much pain is that she has two children—who will become two nations—struggling insider her.
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It was hard enough sharing a room with my sister, can’t even imagine sharing a womb.
Shortly thereafter, Rebecca gives birth to twin boys. The first to come out is a hairy ginger named Esau (Eisav in Hebrew).
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To be fair though, Esau was not your typical ginger. This was a man’s man. He was a hunter, he chased women, he was none to bright, probably the closest thing the Bible gives us to this guy:
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The second-born son comes out clutching Esau’s heel! The kid wouldn’t let go.
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Because he was holding the heel (in Hebrew ah-kev) his parents named him Jacob (Hebrew name: Yaakov). Jacob was much more of a quiet type than his brother. He preferred reading and studying rather than going out and hunting.
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So one day Esau comes back from the fields and is famished.
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Jacob is chillin’ and cookin’ some stew, so he tells Esau he’ll give him some, if Esau gives him his birthright as the firstborn.
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Do we have a deal…..
​Esau accepts and eats the stew and probably forgets the whole thing ever happened
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Now we find out there’s another famine in Canaan so Isaac sets off for Egypt with his fam (wait, this sounds familiar). He doesn’t quite make it there because got tells him to chill in a place called Gerar. Then Isaac pulls an Abraham and tells everyone Rebecca is his sister.
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As you might guess, people want to sleep with Rebecca, this time the king intervenes, and of course instead of getting mad gives Isaac lots of gifts.
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Isaac becomes extremely wealthy, the crops grow well for him, and he starts re-digging some of his dad’s wells.
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Too good not to use again
Eventually, the locals become envious and ask him to leave, which he does rather graciously.
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At this point we learn Esau has taken a couple of wives for himself that his parents are not thrilled about because they were pretty into the idol worship.
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He did have to pay double for that kind of action because back then dowries were a thing.
Now this is where things get good. Isaac tells Esau he wants to bless him, but first he should go to the field and hunt for some game for him to eat.
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So Esau goes off to do as his father asked.
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Unfortunately he could only care 100 lbs. of meat back with him.
Rebecca had overheard the conversation and told Jacob to pull a fast one on his old man—who was practically blind at this point—by dressing in Esau’s clothes in order to steal his older brother’s blessing.
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Great song.
Jacob gets the clothes while Rebecca prepares some meat. She also took hairy goatskin and put it on Jacob’s arms and neck so he’d feel more “rough” like his older brother.
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They didn’t really have time to pull this off.
Jacob comes to his father who is at first a little dubious that he was able to hunt and prepare the meat so quickly, but Jacob assures him that God helped him out. Isaac feels the goat skins over his hands and says that the “voice is the voice of Jacob but the hands are the hands of Esau.”
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Isaac checks with Jacob one more time to make sure he’s really Esau.
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Jacob, bit of a fibber.
So Isaac eats the food and then blesses Jacob with all his might. He asks God to give him the dew of the heavens and the fatness of the earth. He tells Jacob that nations shall serve him and kingdoms bow before him.
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“You shall be a master over your brothers and your mother’s sons shall bow down to you. Those who fuse you shall be cursed and those who bless you shall be blessed.”
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Jacob thanks his dad very much for the blessing and gets out of there because he knows Esau will be coming back soon.
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When Esau returns, he cooks his dad his meal and brings it to him. Isaac realizes he gave the blessing to the wrong son and is very upset, but tells Esau there isn’t much he can do about it. He already told Jacob that he’d be a master over his brothers.
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​So he gives Esau a much less cool blessing, telling him he will live by the sword. Esau is righteously angry with Jacob.
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Neither Isaac nor Rebecca want to see any fratricide, so they send Jacob away to find a wife back in Padan Aram—where Abraham, Sarah and Rebecca were all born. Jacob took their advice and went off on his way.
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​And here the parsha ends. It’s a lot of narrative! Stay tuned next week for the next edition of As the Torah Turns.

Happy mid-week learning!

Ben

Chayei Sarah

11/6/2015

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Shalom y’all!

Welcome to this week’s episode of Better Know a Parsha.

This week we’re visiting Chayei Sarah: The end of the road for both Sarah and Abraham.
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Chayei Sarah literally means “The Life of Sarah,” but the parsha opens with the death of Sarah.
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Thankfully Sarah had lived a good long life, seduced a couple of kings, given birth to Isaac (forefather #2) and died at the ripe old age of 127.
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So once Sarah has died Abraham turns his attention to where he will bury his wife. He does not have a family burial ground (remember, he came to this land with nothing) so he sets out to find a spot.
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(With the help of a few friends)
He settles upon the Machpela cave near Hebron.
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Now there’s a little bargaining. Abraham says he wants to pay for the land, the owner wants to give it away. It’s the reverse of what you see my dad doing in the Shuk.
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Seriously. It really makes my mom uncomfortable.
So Abraham gets the land, buries Sarah and then turns his attention to finding a wife for Isaac. He turns to his servant and has him testify that he will go back to Abraham’s homeland and find him a suitable wife.
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Here’s the funny thing though, we learn here what “testify” actually means. Basically, we’re talking swearing on something, and if you think about what the route word for “TESTIfy” is… Let’s just say that’s where the servant had to place his hand while swearing the oath.
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He was putting his hand on Abraham’s balls. In case you didn’t get it.
So the servant goes off to Abraham’s homeland and prays while he’s on his way that God will show him a “heavenly sign” to confirm his choice of women for Isaac.
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Lo and behold the first young lady he meets when he arrives at the local watering hole offers to not only draw water for him but for his camels as well.
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Somethin' like that.
Turns out, not only is Rebecca great, but she’s also Abraham’s grand niece! Which at this point they didn’t really know about the possible genetic diseases that come from marrying relatives so that was a bonus!
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So the servant gives Rebecca some gifts to take home to show her family so she’d know he means business and the two head back to her place.
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The servant tells the family a very truncated version of Abraham’s story since he left and they all agree that it’s clearly divine will that Rebecca will marry Isaac. The servant explains that he’s gotta get back on the road cause Abraham ain’t getting any younger so he and Rebecca set off back for Canaan.
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When they reach the area where Abraham was staying, they come upon Isaac who had gone out to pray in the field. The rabbis take the inspiration for personal prayer and meditation from Isaac and his solitary prayer.
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So Isaac and Rebecca are happy, Abraham goes off and gets hitched again at quite an advanced age to a woman named Keturah (Yay Kibbuts Keturah!) and has a few more kids. 
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Story of Keturah's life. Amiright?
However, at the end of the Parsha he too dies—at the age of 175—and is buried in Hebron.
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​This is another place the Torah bumps into modern day issues. Hebron is deep inside the West Bank and is a spot holy to Jews, Muslims and Christians because our common ancestors are buried there. Unfortunately, the city—known in Arabic as A-Khalil—has become a flashpoint for violence. It was the scene of a 1929 pogrom that killed more than 60 Jews and a rampage by Baruch Goldstein in 1994 that killed 29 Muslims in a mosque.
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The really sadly ironic thing here is that Isaac and Ishmael actually came together to bury Abraham after he died, it’s the last recorded meeting of the two brothers. We can only hope that their descendants can figure out a way to share the area in peace.
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And on. I wish everyone a Shabbat Shalom, a shabbat of peace!
Ben
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Vayeira

10/30/2015

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​Shalom y’all,

Welcome to this week’s better know a parsha!! This week we’ll be visiting Vayeira: The fightin’… wait, you did what?!

This week is full of moments that you may not have learned about in sunday school that will leave you all: 
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We start off fairly low-key though. Abraham is chillin in front of his tent, just recuperating from his circumcision when three travelers show up.
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Abraham is a righteous dude, so he gets up, runs to the men and invites them into his tent to have a bite to eat. The travelers accept the invitation and Abraham and Sarah present them with splendid feast:
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After eating, the travelers reveal that they’re actually angels in disguise!
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I have no idea what this is from or why it exists, but good lord sometimes you just hit the jackpot.
They tell Abraham and Sarah that because they were so nice, they’ll have a baby together in exactly one year. The 89-year-old Sarah is like:
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Abraham sees the angels on their way to Sodom and Gomorra, which they have been sent to destroy because the populations of the cities are just terrible people. But they’re going to rescue Abraham’s nephew Lot because he’s alright.

God tells Abraham he’s about to wipe out these cities and Abraham is all like:
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He bargains with God (which is in and of itself kinda crazy), making the argument that if there are a few righteous people, they shouldn’t be killed with all the sinners.
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Eventually God agrees that if he can find 10 righteous people between the two cities, he won’t destroy them. Unfortunately, the search for 10 good people in the city came up empty. Sodom and Gomorra were doomed.
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The two of the angels show up to town and Lot invites them into his home to eat and rest. See, I told you he was okay. The people of the town, however, hated people being nice to guests, so they surrounded Lot’s house and demanded he turn over the strangers to be sexually assaulted.
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All of Sodom gets a high five.
Here’s where things start to get weird—and why I only say Lot is okay. Lot comes outside and is all “please don’t assault my guests! Here, I have two virgin daughters. Let me bring them out to you and you can do whatever you want to them instead.”
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That actually happens
So that’s weird, but then the Sodomites don’t go for the virgin daughters, they want the strangers so they try to break down the door. The angels at this point have had enough and they strike everyone blind.
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The angels then tell Lot to get out of dodge along with his wife, kids, everybody. He leaves house with his wife and two of his daughters (the same ones he just offered up to the crowd). In a crucial bit of foreshadowing, the angels tell them that whatever they do, they should definitely not to look back at the city while it’s being destroyed.
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​So God rains fire down on Sodom and Gemorra and lays waste to the whole area
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Umbrellas do not work against God-fire
Lot’s wife falls victim to the foreshadowing, turns around and looks back at the destruction and turns into a pillar of salt. Legend has it, she is one of the salt pillars that make up the saltiness of the Dead Sea.
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Chillin with Lot’s wife
Here’s where things get weird again (Lot’s family is definitely a strange bunch). Lot decided he and his daughters should live in a cave, so they end up thinking that God has actually destroyed the whole world and they and their dad are the only ones left. So, naturally, they get him drunk and sleep with him in order to continue the human race.
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Their kids end up becoming the Moabites and the Ammonites, long-time foes of the Israelites. Go figure.

Now Abraham and Sarah are living in in the south and Abraham decides to pull the whole “she’s not my wife, she’s my sister” thing again (you can look at Lech L’cha for how that worked out last time).
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So as you can guess, another king decides he wants him some Sarah, and she is taken to him for what he thought would be a rockin adult sleepover. 
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However, before he can make the bang boom with Sarah, God comes to him in a dream and tells him Sarah is actually married.
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​So for some inexplicable reason, a second king decides that rather than kill Abraham for putting him in this position, he will shower him with gifts and send him on his way.
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We all are Channing, we all are.
So Abraham and Sarah go on their merry way and lo and behold, Sarah gives birth to a son, just as the angels had promised! 
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Because she had laughed when they told her she would have a child, Sarah names the kid Itzchak (Isaac), which comes from the Hebrew root for laughter.
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This is another one that I just found too funny not to use. Big Stevie fan.
Okay, almost done, speed round for a bit: Sarah tells Abraham to kick Hagar and Ishmael out because he’s being a bad influence on Isaac, that happens. The king that had tried to take Sarah as a concubine wants to be besties with Abraham so they dig a well together.
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The last bit really deserves a whole entry unto itself and is super interesting and if you’ve made it this far you’re kinda pot committed so pay attention.

God tells Abraham to take his son, his only son, whom he loves, Isaac, and sacrifice him as a burnt offering to God.
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​So Abraham takes Isaac and they set off for Mt. Moriah (site of the present day Temple Mount/Dome of the Rock/Al Aqsa/etc.) and Abraham builds an alter and prepares to sacrifice his son.
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The rabbis are kinda split on this. Some believe this was a test that Abraham past by being willing to sacrifice his son. Others (including most modern commentators) believe Abraham failed this test by being willing to engage in human sacrifice, even when asked to do so by God.
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Anyway, thankfully an angel shows up just as Abraham is about to kill Isaac, they find a ram stuck in the bushes and sacrifice that instead.
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And that wraps up the Parsha! Thanks for sticking with it!

See you next week for the next episode of As the Torah Turns!

Have a shabbat shalom!!

Ben
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Lech L'cha

10/23/2015

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Shalom y’all and welcome to this week’s edition of Better Know a Parsha!

This week we’re visiting Parshat Lech L’cha: The fightin’ skidaddle!

This is another long one, these early Parshas are heavy on narrative.

The parsha opens with God telling Abram to leave his homeland—Ur—and his father’s house to a land that he will show him—Canaan, modern day Israel/Palestine.
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“Lech L’cha” loosely translates to “git gone.”
Important side note: Not trying to get political, which is why I referred to it as Israel/Palestine. Both Jews and Muslims view Abraham as a father of their faiths, and therefore both peoples have strong attachments to the historical land of Canaan. Wherever you fall on the political spectrum, let’s not belittle the attachment either faith feels towards the land.
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In return, God promised to make Abram a great nation, telling him that all who blessed him would be bless and all who cursed him would be cursed. Abram was all like:
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God reiterates this promise a number of times throughout the parsha.
Now, one might be wondering why Abram was just down to pack up and scram without much of an intro or back story. In order to explain questions like this, the Rabbis developed what are known as “Midrash,” or non-canonical stories about the Torah’s characters.
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That’s right Cristiano, we did!
​So the story goes that before we ever meet Abram, he was working for his dad in an idol shop in Ur and everything was honkey dory:
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Yay retail jobs!
​Anyway, one day Abram realized this whole idol thing was kinda bogus (sorry if you’re into idol worship) and smashed all the idols!
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There’s probably a great deep metaphor here about how the panda is smashing the false idols of office culture, but I just think this gif is hilarious.
He then put the stick he used to smash them in the hands of the largest idol, which he left standing. When his dad Tahor came back and asked what happened Abram said the big idol had smashed all the little ones:
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Thankfully for Abram, he wasn't able to be caught on camera. This was before the invention of photography.
When Tahor said that was ridiculous, that an idol couldn’t have possibly done it, Abram pointed out that it was then silly to believe that an idol could have power over our lives.
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So, Abram believes in God, picks up everything and moves to Canaan. Once he’s there, God promises him the land will eventually belong to him and his descendants.
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God also reiterates this promise a number of times throughout the parsha.
Unfortunately at that point there’s a famine, so Abram and his wife Sarai make moves.
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On this case, to Egypt.
Now some weird stuff happens. Sarai was a babe so Abram pretends to be her brother in order to not be killed by Pharaoh when he wants to take her as a wife.
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​Lo and behold, Pharaoh does want to get jiggy with Sarai and takes her to him and instead of killing Abram gives him all sorts of gifts. 
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Including goats!
Well God wasn’t so happy about this whole thing, so he struck Pharaoh’s whole house with a plague. So then Pharaoh was all:
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For whatever reason, he very nicely let Sarai leave with Abram. They headed back to Canaan with all the cattle, silver and gold Pharaoh had given them.
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Abram as he crossed back into Canaan.
When they get back, Abram and his nephew Lot have trouble living so close to each other because they have large herds. After their shepherds get into it, Abram takes the high road and tells Lot he can have whatever land he wants and Abram will go the other way.
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In a departure from the main narrative, we now get a big war between a lot of different kings with names that are very difficult to pronounce. Imagine most of the Hobbit compressed into about 15 sentences.
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Once the dust clears, Abram hears that Lot has been taken captive.
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So he arms up his small band of men, attacks at night and rescues Lot! 
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To this day, redeeming of captives is a major Jewish law and will likely be the subject of a Better Know a Jewish Value sometime in the future.
At this point, Abram starts to worry about his legacy. He’s childless despite repeated assurances from God that his descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sands on the beach.
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And God’s all like:
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​So then for some reason Abraham takes a bunch of animals and cuts them in half. Once he did that, he fell into a deep sleep and God came at him with some serious foreshadowing, telling him that his descendants will go down to a land not their own and be enslaved for 400 years. But then they’ll come back and the land will be theirs!
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Or at least your great great great great great great great grandchildren will be.
Sarai has also realized that she and Abram haven’t had any children, so she offers her servant Hagar to Abram as a concubine. 
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Yeahhhhh.....
So Hagar gets pregnant, which leads to plenty of bad feelings between her and Sarai. Abram is very hands off about the whole thing and Hagar ends up running away.
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An angel comes to her and tells her to get her tushy back there and that her son will also be the father of a great people. So she goes back and bears Abram a son and they name him Ishmael. He is believed to be the father of the Muslim/Arab inhabitants of the Middle East.
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The Parsha wraps up with some nice light circumcision. 
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Abram and Sarai get some new letters to their name making them Abraham and Sarah, Abraham circumcises himself at the age of 99, Ishmael undergoes the process at 13 and the precedent is set that all of Abraham’s decedents will be snipped at 8 days old.
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Wow, that was a lot of information. Hope you enjoyed!

Tune in next week on As The Torah Turns for Vayeira!

Shabbat Shalom!

Ben
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Noah/Noach

10/16/2015

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Shalom y’all and welcome to this week’s episode of Better Know a Parsha.

This week we’ll be visiting Noah: The fightin’ boat builder!!

Like Bereshit, this is an action-packed Parsha, so hold on to your hats!
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​If you want to fully experience this episode, press play and then read while listening to the glory of my preschool days:
Noah, in Hebrew: Noach (with a good kh on the end), comes along 10 generations after Adam and Eve, and much like the Millenials, his generation sucked.
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We are just the worst.
However, Noah is described as being “righteous in his generation.” The rabbis disagree as to whether Noah was really a great person or simply not as terrible as everyone else around him.
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Lena Dunham’s main character on Girl’s is loosely based on the story of Noah. Could be a whole separate post. Think about it.
​So God comes to Noah and tells him that because everyone is awful he’s got some major plans brewing.
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Noah’s first task is to try to get everyone on board with the whole “God’s going to destroy the world” thing. This goes poorly:
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So under God’s orders, Noah starts a major construction project:
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As I learned in preschool, Noah built an Arky Arky as instructed by God and then brings one pair of every unkosher animal and seven pairs of each kosher animal on board. In case you were wondering, they went on by two-sy two-sies.
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D’awwwwwww. What a cute couple. #GoatGifs
Once Noah and all the animals were on board, God really let it rip with the rain.
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The real reason Stitch doesn’t exist: he didn’t make it onto the ark.
​It rained for 40 days and 40 nights, washing away everything on earth
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But Noah and all his animals were just straight chillin: 
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Once it stopped raining, Noah was still stuck on this floating zoo until the earth air dried (about 150 more days). He would periodically send out birds to see if they could find any signs of life.
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Wow.
Eventually, a dove he sent out came back with an olive branch, and then the following day didn’t come back at all, signifying that he had found a place to stay and the earth would be dry and inhabitable soon, which is a good thing, because you know by that point everyone had to be all.
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So Noah gets off the boat and God makes a rainbow, which to this day serves as a covenant with man meaning that we’ll never be totally wiped off the face of the earth again:
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Rabbis are divided as to whether God a pioneer of the LGBT rights movement
​Side note: this is also the part in the Torah where God tells us to be fruitful and multiply. So enjoy this rabbit attempting to follow God’s commandment:
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Once off the boat, Noah has his priorities clearly in order. First, make sacrifices to God and get the whole rainbow thing sealed. Second: Plant a vineyard and get wicked drunk.
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Midrash Bereshit Rabbah states that Noah carved “Crunk Ain’t Dead” into the side of the Ark as he waited for the grapes to ripen.
Here’s where the parsha turns a little dark. One of Noah’s sons, Ham, saw his father sleeping after a little too much wine and in biblical terms “uncovers his nakedness.” It’s unclear exactly what happened, but safe to assume that Ham assaulted his father in some way.
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​His other two sons, Shem and Yaphet, approach with their backs turned and cover their dad up so he can sleep it off. When he wakes up, Noah curses Ham and blesses Shem and Yaphet, especially Shem.

According to tradition, Jews, Arabs and other Middle Eastern peoples are all decedents of Shem, which is where the term “Semite” comes from. This week, with everything happening in the Middle East, it’s especially important that we remember we’re all one family. I’m not going to get political here, but I hope you can all join me in praying/hoping/wishing for an end to the senseless violence that is taking the lives of Israelis, Palestinians, Syrians, Iraqis, Turks and others in the region.
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Like the bunny.
​Okay, so now we’ve arrived at the end of the parsha where we get a bonus totally non-sequitur story: The Tower of Babel!!

So the people of Earth decide they’re super cool and they want to build a tower up to heaven to battle God.
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But God was all:
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I mean, who else could it be?
So while previously everyone had spoken one language… he switched them all up, so it sounded like they were babbling at each other. GET IT???
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​Without a common language, the building didn’t go so well:
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And that’s where we end our parsha!

Tune in next week for the next episode of… As the Torah Turns: Lech L’cha!

Shabbat Shalom!

​Ben
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Bereshit

10/9/2015

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Shalom y’all and welcome to the first ever Better Know a Parsha!!

This week’s parsha is Bereshit: The fightin story of creation! Twice! And Adam and Eve! And Cain and Able!

Now, I know what you might be thinking:
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​But we can do this together.

Thankfully God—like anyone with good taste—is a fan of The Sound of Music, and knows where to start.
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Shimon Bar Yochai was said to say that seven of God’s sefirot are personified by the Von Trapp children. In this picture you can see Friedrich on the left who represents Bina (Understanding) and on the right kneeling is Gretl, who embodies Hesed (mercy)
​Bereshit (b’-ray-SHEET) literally means “In the beginning” and the portion starts with the well-known line: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”
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​I know, so I’m not going to bore you with a recitation of the things God created over the next six days. There are two tellings of the week of creation, but they both involve God fashioning the land, seas, sky, sun, moon, stars, and various animals that fill the earth.

On the sixth day, God created man.
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​Here’s where we get a little confusion because the Torah first says that God crated man in his image and then goes on to say “male and female he created them.”

But wait! What about that whole rib thing??
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​No, not those ribs Shaq. The story of God taking one of Adam’s ribs and using it to make Eve, the first woman! Turns out that comes in the next chapter, a retelling of the creation that focuses on day six and includes God’s miraculous surgical abilities.
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​Before we move on, I want to take a second to focus on what God did on the seventh day after he was done creating the world and everything in it. You see, God realized something.
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​So on the seventh day, he rested. This was the first shabbat, which Jews continue to celebrate to this day every Saturday. No matter what religion (or lack thereof) you subscribe to, this practice of taking one day every week to step back, reflect and rest can be incredibly powerful.
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Collaborate and listen.
In addition to being a great individual practice, the observance of Shabbat is a communal one for Jews who traditionally eat festive meals on Friday night and gather to pray on Saturdays. Modern Jewish thinker Echad Ha’Am famously said “More than the Jews have kept the Shabbat, the Shabbat has kept the Jews.”
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Okay, so we now have a man and a woman and God is well-rested. Back to the narrative.

God had told Adam he could eat from any tree in the garden of Eden, EXCEPT the tree of knowledge.
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Two Shaq gifs in one Parsha?? The humanity!!
​Adam was all, “okay, cool, I gotcha.” But then the snake started talking to Eve like “oooo baby don’t them apples look good.”
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And Eve goes all:
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Get your minds out of the gutter, she’s talking about an apple.
​And then both Adam and even Eve…
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​Needless to say, God was not happy about Adam and Eve breaking the one rule set for them in the garden. There’s a fascinating scene where the two of them hide from God when he calls out to them.
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If I can’t see God, God can’t see me, right? Right????
​When God asks why they’re hiding, Adam says it’s because they are naked, to which God basically responds:
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​Realizing the jig is up, Adam confesses to God that he and Eve ate from the tree, but he places the blame squarely on his lady friend.
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Kind of a dick move there Adam
​The punishments for Adam and Eve were both pretty rough, but Eve definitely got the raw end of the deal. For Adam, he would no longer be able to easily coax produce from the earth and would have to toil and sweat to feed himself and his family.
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Eve got childbirth.
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Does not look like fun. Mom, you’re the best. I don’t think I tell you that often enough.
So life kinda sucks now for Adam and Eve, but then they have two sons, Cain and Abel who can be the light of their lives and comfort them and… 
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Cain was a big Huey Lewis fan
​Oh right, that. Turns out both sons offered some sacrifices to God. Abel gave the best of his flock, while Cain gave the scraps from his field. Needless to say God liked Abels sacrifice more, which made Cain very jealous.
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But in a much less disarmingly charming and more deadly way than Bill Hader.
​The last bits of the parsha focus on lineage, which is it’s own little fascinating story and will perhaps be the focus of next year’s Better Know Bereshit. For now, just know that 10 generations after Adam we get to the main character in next week’s Parsha:
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(Technically a different Noah, but you get the idea)
Tune in next week for a new episode of As the Torah Turns.

Shabbat shalom!

​Ben
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Coming soon...

10/4/2015

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    What's a Parsha?

    Jews read a bit of the Torah (Five Books of Moses/first five books of the Bible) every week in synagogue/temple. Each section we read is called a Parsha.

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